Diary of The Construed

I should learn when to shut my mouth.

I have always been complimented on my youngest two kids abilities, politeness, and helpfulness. Even though I consider myself far from perfect, I do recognize my good parenting skills and am willing to share them with the world.

1. Never think or say that your kids can't do something. So many parents I know are guilty of just this in some way or another. My first born was walking by the age of 10 months, and my second, who was 15 months younger than him, began walking at 8 months old. I never told them they were too young to be walking or that they shouldn't try. I encouraged it and they thrived early.

2. Talk to them like they are people. I will admit that I sometimes do slip and use "baby words" with my kids, but that's okay to do. It's actually also beneficial for infants and toddlers to hear adults speak on their level. However for the most part try to always explain the world around your children. They are little sponges that will just soak up any information around them (whether you want them to or not). There is a huge grey area here of what you want your kids to know and what you would rather them not know, so use your own judgement. However when something is happening (big event or small), make an effort to explain it to your kids. For example, when you are setting the table, explain what each item is as you place and where you place it and why. Toddlers and older kids can help set the table, and you can even ask them how they think the table should be set.

3. Don't think or act for your kids. Your kids are people too. They have a skeleton, muscles, blood, and a brain just like you and I do. So, why not let them use the tools and learn new skills? My son has been throwing away his own diapers since he was about 12 months old and proficient with walking. He also loves to follow me around with a broom while I sweep, which is why we got him a toddler sized one. I also give him choices, like what shirt to wear or which snack to have.

The key with giving toddlers choices is that you make the choice of 2 things that you wouldn't mind them having (i.e. 2 different shirts and pants that could both go together, or 2 healthy snacks). Then present the choices to your toddler (Would you like to have an apple or grapes for a snack?). Show your toddler how proud you are of them making the choice all by themselves and they will be encouraged to keep going on and expanding on their own opinions in life.

4. Treat others as you would like to be treated. I am still working on this one myself, but I do know why it is so very important. Since I have slipped with this my son has become rebellious and uncooperative. However I still encourage all parents to treat their children how they would like to be treated. Would you like to be yelled at, spanked, or told what to do with absolutely no choice given to how you feel? Then perhaps you can see a little better where your kids are coming from when they refuse to do something you ask. Prior to the rebellious phase, my two youngest used to always clean up just before meals, naps, and bath/bed time. The reason was because I always used to clean up and ask for help from them and the other members of the household. It just became a habit, but then I began using the statement "Well, I didn't make the mess. If you can make the mess, then you can clean it up." Thinking back, I probably shouldn't have acted that way. If I made a big mess, it would be nice to have someone else help me clean it up.

5. Say what you mean and mean what you say. My husband tends to have a lot of difficulty in the area of follow through with his threats. If you threaten your children, choose a consequence that you are okay with. For instance, if you tell a child that they must clean their room in order to go to a party, but the child does not and plays instead of cleaning. Then you have to be ready to follow through, even if it means that you know have to stay home with them while the rest of the family goes. Think through a punishment before you tell your child. If you are not willing to stay at home, then don't tell them that they cannot go. Instead tell them that all their toys on the floor will be bagged up and put away until they can earn them back. Then ten minutes before it is time to leave check their room, if it is not clean, then start bagging. Follow through is tough but necessary. Kids need to know that you mean what you say and say what you mean.


Examples

Doing What They Felt They Should

The Windshield

After a recent move, James' garage was so full of boxes that he and his wife were not able to park their cars inside for a period of time. The weather was cold and almost every morning there was a heavy frost on the car windows. James had to leave for work prior to the time that his wife would need to take their daughters to school. As he was scraping the ice from his windshield in preparation to leave, he felt that he should also scrape the ice from his wife's windshield so that she would not have to stand in the cold and do it when it was time for her to leave. He scraped the ice from her windshield, and as he did so he thought about how much he loved her and cared for her and how this small act of service might somehow make her life a little bit easier. He was glad to do it for her and it was not a burden at all.

The Birthday

Steve and Becky had been friends for a long time. Steve had been dating Jen seriously for almost 2 years; they had even come close to getting married. Things did not work out between them and Steve and Jen broke up for good three weeks before Steve's birthday. Becky knew that Steve had been feeling down since his break-up and that his birthday might be an especially difficult time. She felt like she ought to do something to lift his spirits so she surprised him on his birthday by taking him some balloons and then taking him out to lunch.

Refusing To Do What They Felt They Should

The Broken Date

About three weeks ago Kendra had mentioned to Jason, her boyfriend, that she wanted him to go see one of her favorite plays with her. Jason was not really interested in seeing the play but they talked briefly anyway about a day that would be best for both of them to go. Since Jason was not really interested in the play, he promptly forgot about the date he and Kendra had set. In the mean time, a couple of Jason's friends invited him to go on a camping trip they were planning for the same weekend as the play. Since Jason had forgotten about the play, he readily agreed to go with his friends since he loved camping. When Kendra reminded Jason about the upcoming play he had forgotten, he told her about the camping trip he had been invited on. Jason could tell that Kendra was disappointed and a little bit upset.

Jason's initial feeling was that he should keep his original commitment to Kendra and cancel the trip with his friends. Jason didn't cancel the trip though. He told Kendra that he was sorry and that he would make it up to her. After all, he told himself, "Why should I have to go to a play that I don't want to see anyway?" Besides, "I never get to do anything fun with my friends anymore." And the more he thought about it, the more resentful he became towards Kendra and the more justified he felt in going camping with his friends.

The Crying Baby

When James' oldest daughter was a newborn, he and his wife lived in a small two bedroom condo. James and his wife were in one bedroom and their daughter was in the other. James' wife was not working outside the home at the time and he had a 45 mile commute each way to work that required him to wake up at 5:30 a.m. One night about 3:00 a.m., James was awakened by the sound of his daughter crying in her crib. The first thought or feeling that popped into his head and heart was, "go attend to your daughter's needs," whether she needed to be changed, held, fed, or covered by a blanket. Almost as quickly as that thought occurred to James, he dismissed it and continued to lie in bed, although he was wide awake now.

At the moment that he refused to help his daughter as he felt he should, he began to have some strange thoughts and feelings towards his wife. He began to think how lazy and inconsiderate she was, although she was still sleeping and had not heard their daughter cry. He felt justified in continuing to lie in bed because he was the one who had to get up in a couple of hours anyway to get ready for work. She could take a nap later in the day if she wanted to and he could not. James was upset that she had not yet heard their daughter cry and he found himself not only accusing her in his heart of being inconsiderate of his need to sleep, but of their daughter's needs as well.

The crying continued and grew in intensity, and as it grew so did James' sense of being victimized. James' wife was soon awakened by the crying and immediately got up to check on their daughter. James did not let her know that he was awake, but as soon as she left the room he rolled over with a "humph!" thinking that now he would be able to get back to sleep. However, sleep did not come easily because he was still stewing about being unjustly treated. His wife soon returned from their daughter's room, got back into bed and promptly fell asleep.



My computer just died last night. At first, I thought it overheated and needed a rest. So I go to turn it on this morning.... nothing. No lights, no charge, nothing. It won't turn on, like it's completely dead. *cry*
I am sending a shout-out to my bestest friend ever, Jewels aka Manic. We got in touch again after about 3 years of not talking, and she has got me hooked to a new addiction... Gaia Online!

Check me out.. my biggest addiction there is my Guild writing.

Today is my step daughter's birthday... wish her a Happy 7th!

And can someone get me a Zantac?

Update

10:00 AM | 0 Comments

I am sorry to report that my cat did not make it :(

He died shortly after my last report of liver failure (we suppose). I was the only one to actually witness his entire passing, and it is still hard to think about. This was my second complete loss of a beloved pet, but my first actual witnessing of it.

He will be missed.

After a great night talking with a long lost buddy, and making plans for a fun filled toddler day and thread RPGing... I wake to find one of my cats (who is about a year and a half old) sitting next to the water dish with one paw in the water.

Yes. Period. He was just sitting there with his paw in the water not moving.

My husband noticed him first. "I think Kitten is dying." Is the first thing he said to me.

Kitten was throwing up for the past few days, and now this. Our cats are just like our kids. We would do anything we could for them and their health and safety. But we don't have any cash right now and no way of getting any quick enough (besides yard sales which has been going slower).

My hands are tied and this sucks ASS!