I have always been complimented on my youngest two kids abilities, politeness, and helpfulness. Even though I consider myself far from perfect, I do recognize my good parenting skills and am willing to share them with the world.
1. Never think or say that your kids can't do something. So many parents I know are guilty of just this in some way or another. My first born was walking by the age of 10 months, and my second, who was 15 months younger than him, began walking at 8 months old. I never told them they were too young to be walking or that they shouldn't try. I encouraged it and they thrived early.
2. Talk to them like they are people. I will admit that I sometimes do slip and use "baby words" with my kids, but that's okay to do. It's actually also beneficial for infants and toddlers to hear adults speak on their level. However for the most part try to always explain the world around your children. They are little sponges that will just soak up any information around them (whether you want them to or not). There is a huge grey area here of what you want your kids to know and what you would rather them not know, so use your own judgement. However when something is happening (big event or small), make an effort to explain it to your kids. For example, when you are setting the table, explain what each item is as you place and where you place it and why. Toddlers and older kids can help set the table, and you can even ask them how they think the table should be set.
3. Don't think or act for your kids. Your kids are people too. They have a skeleton, muscles, blood, and a brain just like you and I do. So, why not let them use the tools and learn new skills? My son has been throwing away his own diapers since he was about 12 months old and proficient with walking. He also loves to follow me around with a broom while I sweep, which is why we got him a toddler sized one. I also give him choices, like what shirt to wear or which snack to have.
The key with giving toddlers choices is that you make the choice of 2 things that you wouldn't mind them having (i.e. 2 different shirts and pants that could both go together, or 2 healthy snacks). Then present the choices to your toddler (Would you like to have an apple or grapes for a snack?). Show your toddler how proud you are of them making the choice all by themselves and they will be encouraged to keep going on and expanding on their own opinions in life.
4. Treat others as you would like to be treated. I am still working on this one myself, but I do know why it is so very important. Since I have slipped with this my son has become rebellious and uncooperative. However I still encourage all parents to treat their children how they would like to be treated. Would you like to be yelled at, spanked, or told what to do with absolutely no choice given to how you feel? Then perhaps you can see a little better where your kids are coming from when they refuse to do something you ask. Prior to the rebellious phase, my two youngest used to always clean up just before meals, naps, and bath/bed time. The reason was because I always used to clean up and ask for help from them and the other members of the household. It just became a habit, but then I began using the statement "Well, I didn't make the mess. If you can make the mess, then you can clean it up." Thinking back, I probably shouldn't have acted that way. If I made a big mess, it would be nice to have someone else help me clean it up.
5. Say what you mean and mean what you say. My husband tends to have a lot of difficulty in the area of follow through with his threats. If you threaten your children, choose a consequence that you are okay with. For instance, if you tell a child that they must clean their room in order to go to a party, but the child does not and plays instead of cleaning. Then you have to be ready to follow through, even if it means that you know have to stay home with them while the rest of the family goes. Think through a punishment before you tell your child. If you are not willing to stay at home, then don't tell them that they cannot go. Instead tell them that all their toys on the floor will be bagged up and put away until they can earn them back. Then ten minutes before it is time to leave check their room, if it is not clean, then start bagging. Follow through is tough but necessary. Kids need to know that you mean what you say and say what you mean.
